Wanted:

Every morning I walk to work, I fear I’ll step outside and feel the burst of humidity and unbearable heat. December through February marks the cool(er), dry season in the Philippines. I’ve had the luxury of enjoying a nice breeze on my 10-minute commute, and hide away in the cool (actually, freezing) office, equipped with central air (AirCon as we call it here) during the warmest part of the day. March through June brings the hot, dry season. It’s about 85 degrees here now, so when I say hot, I mean hot. And I know it’s bad because even the Filipinos hide in the air conditioned malls then (so I’m told). So, I walked out this morning and it happened. I sweat the entire way to the office. I’m a baby. I hate uncomfortable temperature. Anyway, I was annoyed at that. Then it rained. I was even more annoyed at that. Needless to say, I had a pretty frustrating day. Which leads me to this…

I’ve been very thoughtful about not writing in my blog these past two weeks. It’s not because I want to keep anyone in the dark but because this transition has not at all been a carousel ride. I’ve already wanted to go home about 10 times and I’ve noted about 100 reasons why I hate living here and even more about why I love home. I whined to the people who love me regardless and I strategically vented to those who would never let me come home. Then it hit me when I was on my way to renew my visa.

I sat in the back of a taxi with my friend, unable to breathe, thanks to the pollution. We were stuck in traffic because, by the way, there are more people in Manila than you could EVER imagine and half of them are on the road. Then I looked to my right and saw a Wanted sign stuck to a pillar that held up the above-ground subway. On it was a man’s dirty, scruffy face and some writing I couldn’t make out. If I were to repeat the pattern of thoughts that developed since I moved here, I would have counted my lack of safety as a reason to escape from this place…but I didn’t. I immediately started thanking God in my head. I thanked Him that I have a place to go, a place that I call home, where I feel completely safe…and the list kept going on and on and on. Like this…

Thank You for safety. Thank You for a family. Thank You for friends. Thank you for security. Thank you for education. Thank You for a bed. Thank You for a house. Thank You for my mom. Thank You for my dad. Thank You for a future. Thank You for freedom. Thank You for cleanliness. Thank You for wealth. Thank You for water. Thank You for hope. Thank You for seasons. Thank You for safety. Thank You for a family. Thank You for friends. Thank you for security. Thank you for education. Thank You for a bed. Thank You for a house. Thank You for my mom. Thank You for my dad. Thank You for a future. Thank You for freedom. Thank You for cleanliness. Thank You for wealth. Thank You for water. Thank You for hope. Thank You for a job. Thank You for clean air. Thank You for love. Thank You for peace. Thank You for justice. Thank You for grass. Thank You for showers. Thank You for books. Thank You for direction. Thank You for medicine. Thank You for technology. Thank you for church. Thank You for challenges. Thank You for a job. Thank You for clean air. Thank You for love. Thank You for peace. Thank You for justice. Thank You for grass. Thank You for showers. Thank You for books. Thank You for direction. Thank You for medicine. Thank You for technology. Thank you for church. Thank You for challenges. Thank you that I know You. Thank You for Michael. Thank You for friends. Thank You for food. Thank You for protection. Thank You for breath. Thank You for today. Thank You….

I couldn’t stop! My friend spoke to me after a while and we entered into a conversation. I forgot about those few minutes with God in the taxi until we got back to the office and I realized that I was happy and enjoying my time.

There are things I don’t like about the Philippines, but this is very true: it’s clear that I was brought here for a reason. I’m reminded of that every time I look at one of our clients in the face and tell her she’s beautiful. This time is not about me, it’s about them and it’s about God. I’m being shaped in the midst of it and it’s amazing. It hurts. I’m annoyed. I’m sad. I’m uncomfortable. But in the times that I’m reminded of how thankful I am, I try and reflect on this verse that God spoke to me so clearly over the past year:

“I beseech you brethren, therefore, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:1-2

 Negative thoughts return — like today, when I hated the weather, but each experience (like the one in the taxi) makes me see this life a little bit differently, with a little more perspective…and I’m thankful for that too.